Before I know what to write I put my pen to paper.
I close my eyes.
I think of your brilliant smile and your eye contact.
I remember the way your middle finger pressed into my spine and slid.
I replay all the laughter (more of that than anything).
I relive every kiss, every hand held, every embrace and every emotion.

        I love you.
    Maybe I should write that.
I decide against it.

I close my eyes.

I begin to think of what you want.
(not me)
I remember the times you told me where you wanted to end up.
(without me)
I replay all of the times I had cried knowing you didn't
want me.

        I hate you.
    Maybe I should write that.
I decide against it.

I close my eyes.

I put my hand to my heart
and see your face.
I feel your heartbeat.
I exhale and taste your breath.
I opened my eyes
and knew.

        Dear you,
    You are so overwhelming.
Love, Barbara.